The End Times Uniform (a.k.a. T-Shirt)

This shirt is soft enough to dull your existential dread and light enough to survive a heatwave. Pre-shrunk (unlike your optimism) with just enough stretch to accommodate bad decisions and midnight snacks. Built to flatter most body types and outlast at least a few news cycles. (100% combed and ring-spun cotton - heathers contain polyester, just like your diet)